Becoming Pregnant as a Ph.D. Student in America

4/27/2023 1:45 am

By Dr. Katie Lucas

Regardless of your religious or political stances, you will likely have working relationships with women who are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or who have children. In my opinion, the more we support these women, the more we benefit from their drive in their home and work endeavors. In my naivete (pre-pregnancy) I thought everyone was on the same page; after all, raising children benefits society. However, pregnancy and post-pregnancy showed me that there are many individuals who do not support mothers balancing research and motherhood and do not understand that pregnancy is only the beginning of this balance. They’d rather women stay at home or find a career away from research. If you are going through pregnancy as a Ph.D. student or candidate, surround yourself with people who support you. The more supported you feel (this is different for everyone) and the better relationships you have in your program, the better you will be able to manage and find your own short and long-term balance. Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time where the body changes over the 9 months and varies drastically amongst people. I don’t think you can adequately plan for it besides making sure you have adequate medical coverage and financial/family/friend support to welcome the baby. It’s difficult to say what parenthood will look like long-term (especially while studying for a Ph.D.) and can be a source of simultaneously overwhelming levels of joy and stress.

I got pregnant during the first year of my Ph.D. program in 2016. I was optimistic about everything turning out as I had planned. I exercised regularly prior to my pregnancy, my husband supported my plan to go back to school for a Ph.D., and I was working on classwork and research months before I got pregnant. I thought I was prepared. Little did I know how much my body did not enjoy being pregnant. I got my only B in the program when morning sickness crippled my ability to make it to my Tuesday at 8 am class. I diverted my walk from my car to the lab away from the most straight, logical route due to daily episodes of nausea and vomiting. I preferred to remain outdoors in the crisp air as often as possible and had multiple moments when I felt like I was going to pass out if I didn’t immediately drink a full canteen of freezing cold water. On rainy days, I popped a Zofran, held my breath in hospital hallways that reeked of antiseptics, and walked quickly from bathroom to bathroom, checking in before hustling to my next stop. I knew which fast food establishments had the cleanest bathrooms on my commute and which had the easiest area to hide if I needed to vomit outside. Between articles on neurology, muscle mechanics, and biomechanics, I looked up pregnancy progressions, safe exercise techniques, what to expect during labor and delivery, childcare options, pumping devices, and other parental information that I felt unprepared for as a soon-to-be first-time parent. My husband was extremely supportive through all of this, but we both had no idea what was ahead.

My second trimester was better than the first trimester, but I was still extremely nauseated throughout most of it. (Again, everyone’s pregnancy is different. Most women I know love their second trimester.) I was putting on weight at an unexpected speed and was substituting sugar-free gum and jolly ranchers for my typical doses of coffee. I was doing fine in school but felt lethargic and completely behind in where I wanted to be with my research. The third trimester involved me trying to catch up and prepare for the end of the semester along with the delivery.

My delivery timeframe was perfect for a Ph.D. student since all coursework was due weeks before my due date in May. However, the unsolicited advice on pregnancy and parenting was overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. Stories of other pregnant women made me feel inferior in my ability to balance a Ph.D. and raise a child. I had no idea how to prepare my body for childbirth, and I felt the comments about my (insufficiently caffeinated and completely exhausted) pregnant body were constant as I finished the spring semester. I just wanted it to be over. Everyone has an opinion about what you should be doing while pregnant. Many lose their socially conditioned filter around a pregnant woman. (A woman I did not know once followed me into the grocery store, telling me about all of her 7 children/gifts from God.) Many stories I was told included entirely too much information and absolutely nothing of substance that was helpful. I thought once I had the baby, I could finally return to being me. Only that’s not how it worked.

My delivery involved 72+ hours in the hospital and was nothing that I had prepared for, ending in a cesarean section and substantial postpartum problems. It took me almost a full year to get back to normal. I missed deadlines to submit to conferences over maternity leave and came back at 12 weeks, still sleep-deprived, stressed, and unprepared. My brain fog didn’t lift until my daughter was almost one year old, which likely was due to inadequate sleep and stress from the Ph.D. program coupled with her frequent ear infections. I learned that parents figure out ways to get things finished despite the task seeming impossible and the path to the finish not matching the carefully planned ideal situation. I would repeatedly try to shoot for the stars and end up frustrated, finishing just above what I deemed the minimum. My “balance” was “managing” expectations with calculations on how many sleepless nights I could use as a Ph.D. student coupled with how many were mandatory as a parent. (My husband took his fair share of the overnight shifts, especially once we were past breastfeeding. It was just a lot less sleep than I thought I would have as a parent.) With time, things gradually got easier, and I could dedicate more time to my research again.

I finished my Ph.D. in 2020 and had another daughter in 2022 during my post-doc. The second pregnancy and delivery were much smoother than the first. However, I do not feel that I have found my long-term work-life balance yet. I want to have it all and do it all. While this is something all researchers confront at some point, it’s more intense as a parent. Talking to parents with children older than mine, I can tell it will get easier with even more experience to find what works best for my family. Below are some common questions I had before becoming a parent and advice I recently reviewed as I prepared for my second child. One thing I learned the second time around was to set more realistic expectations and focus on giving myself grace, especially during the first 6 months. I also have general recommendations for being an ally during a colleague’s pregnancy. All of these are focused on the American system, where maternity leave is typically 12 weeks (or less).

What Do I Need to Have Before Delivery? 

Honestly, you just need to own a car seat, a bassinet/crib, and an extra pair of comfortable maternity clothes. You’ll likely go beyond that though and should enjoy feeling prepared. The hospital will give you a couple of shirts with mittened ends that can protect the baby’s face from long fingernails. The hospital should also give you some diapers, formula, or pumping supplies (if you need them), and a swaddle or two for the baby. It’ll also give you nursing pads for leaking breasts, pads and disposable underwear for you (postpartum), and hospital socks. If you had a c-section or your abdomen was large, ask for an abdominal binder. If you plan to pump (especially if you’re considering exclusively pumping), I recommend bringing your pump to the hospital. (Note, get a pump that is portable. From someone who only had a plug-in for my first child, it makes a huge difference.) If you plan to breastfeed, find out if the hospital you are delivering at has a lactation consultant on staff and if they work every day. If they do have a lactation consultant, make sure you see them – you may need to be pushy/demanding, but you want to figure out feeding before you leave the hospital. If you are planning to exclusively pump, keep in mind that not all lactation consultants are up to date on the latest pumping recommendations. You can also contact a lactation consultant that works independent of a hospital. They often have offices or do home visits, and can sometimes be covered by insurance, but may be an extra cost that can save you a lot of frustration and pain down the line. Regardless of how you decide to best feed your child and care for yourself, use any resources the hospital can provide prior to going home. Also ask for resources that are accessible to you when you get home. You are not alone in this process.

What Does This Mean for My Ph.D. Process?

The timing of telling your advisor depends on your home situation, your goals, and your relationship with your advisor as well as your past medical history (history of miscarriages, etc.). You need to be open and honest. Your advisor will probably tell you everything will be fine, but budget staying in the Ph.D. program for another 6 or so months, depending on how far you are in the process. Many studies show that working mothers are just as productive as their childless counterparts, especially in the long run, if they choose to continue to work full-time [1-3]. While the pay gap is improving [1], often women with children are paid less or take less prestigious positions than their peers [3,4]. The most important thing is to figure out what works best for you. If it helps comfort you, many women have done it before you, and you will figure out your best methods. Be ready to have some grace when things are harder than you feel they should be since this is a huge learning experience. It gets better and easier with time, especially as your child grows up and can do more on their own.

What About After Delivery?

This is where things diverge substantially depending on your situation. Be true to yourself including who you are and who you want to be as a parent. As a Ph.D. student, you are not going to be able to be a full-time parent or full-time worker, and most parents battle with these expectations following delivery. Your child is going to flourish and change quickly, especially through the first year’s milestones. Most kids will tell you when they need you to focus on them, but I like to have an idea of when things will ramp up. There are a ton of apps and things you can use, but I like “The Wonder Weeks” because it alerts me when a milestone is coming and gives advice on games that the child will enjoy. For example, when a child understands distance, toy cars are a fun concept for the child because they can roll toward and away from the child.

Anything To Help with Transitioning to Work?

Personally, I felt the drive to go back to work and had the most trouble balancing when I wasn’t splitting time between work at home. I think the most important thing to help with the transition is figuring out what you need from your partner or village at home to feel comfortable being totally at work mentally. Practically hands-free pumps (like Willows, Legendairy, or Elvies) are extremely helpful if mothers want to pump easier at work. (I have gone to outdoor events, conferences, and lab meetings with my hands-free pumps in, and it’s so liberating. I would have stopped pumping much earlier if I did not have them.) If you’re exclusively pumping, you will also likely want a pump that has greater power (like a Spectra, Scoop, or Medela) for home. Talk to your insurance to see what is covered but also talk to friends who have children born after 2012 because they may have an old breast pump you can use for work or as a backup. I think the most important thing is to have grace with yourself that things are going to be difficult, but you’re capable of figuring out a system that works for you. After all, you’re getting your Ph.D.

My Friend Is Pregnant: How Do I Support Her?

Pregnancy is a huge life event and is frustrating for independent women who may benefit from some help at times. Just listening is a huge way to support someone. If she’s missing events, help her feel like she’s still part of the cohort/community by telling her about what’s going on and/or organizing events that are right after class (and not too late in the night). She also may be more tired than normal or forgetful. These things will get better. Give her grace and acceptance; pregnancy is difficult. I am still so thankful for my friends and colleagues during my Ph.D.

References

1. Krapf, Matthias, Heinrich W. Ursprung, and Christian Zimmermann. "Parenthood and productivity of highly skilled labor: Evidence from the groves of academe." Journal of economic behavior & organization 140 (2017): 147-175.

2. Morgan, Allison C., et al. "The unequal impact of parenthood in academia." Science Advances 7.9 (2021): eabd1996.

3. Mirick, R. G., & Wladkowski, S. P. (2018). Pregnancy, Motherhood, and Academic Career Goals: Doctoral Students’ Perspectives. Affilia, 33(2), 253–269.

4. Kahn JR, García-Manglano J, Bianchi SM. The Motherhood Penalty at Midlife: Long-Term Effects of Children on Women's Careers. J Marriage Fam. 2014;76(1):56-72.

Author: Dr. Katie Lucas